The world of luxury hotels is a mix of attempt to
provide outstanding service and awkward policies and procedures that seem designed
just to annoy the costumer.
One fine example was provided to me and for my
personal amusement by Conrad Hotel in Dublin.
It is normal that these hotels do not include
breakfast in their standard price, which I think it is a way of seeming to have
more competitive ratings on internet bookings of this life. This is weird. When
you stay at a hotel you normally want to have breakfast there, so you should
have the chance to opt out, not to opt in.
Anyway, in this particular hotel they give me vouchers
for breakfast, which are of a considerable size, and hand written. One for each
day. I guess this is the replacement of having a computer linked to the central
database where they can check if the guest is entitled to taste the fabulous delicacies
of the breakfast buffet, which maybe seem to modern or too digital to some
guests, I don’t know.
So, when you go to grab your bite in the morning, you
are supposed to carry them, one for each day. But if you don’t? If you lost one, or left it in the room?
This happened to me this morning. With the vile
intention of trying to get past the
breakfast receptionist and get to the food, I swore I had one of those
vouchers. The waiter asked me twice, so I am pretty sure of my answer. Then, he
said the he was going to check with reception. Then he suddenly interrupted my
morning e-mail browsing to ask me if I would mind to purchase another breakfast
voucher. Of course I told him for the third time: “I have a voucher, I just don’t
have it with me”. He finally went away. I could imagine the reception clerk saying:
“he’s lying, that miserable luxury guest. He doesn’t have one. Go and make him
buy one before he swallows that poached egg!”.
In the end, I went back to my room after waiting for
the packed morning elevator, just to find that rotten voucher smiling at me at
the table. I went back to the restaurant and gave it to the waiter. He didn’t apologize.
I was late, due to my need to have an impeccable reputation, but being able to walk
past the reception and held my head up
high and thinking “I told you I have a voucher!” made it worth.
Although I am staying at a so-called luxury hotel, I
am paying the price of lousy manual processes. I guess that’s why they charge
so much.
What is more deplorable in the story is that many
times these hotels say that they treat you like a king - unforgettable
experience, forget the routine and all that crap - and then they treat you like
a regular burglar. Not even a distinguished burglar, like those we used to meet
in novels of the late XIX century. No. They don't treat you with finesse. They
just ask for the money right away.
So, I guess that although I look for luxury hotels, I
am not up to their standards.
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